How Do Moms Do It All? | Coping With Mom Overwhelm

Self-care / By Trisha Goodall

Every mom shares the experience of mom overwhelm, guilt, burnout, and more. Let’s start with this: You are not alone, Momma.

Being a mom is no easy task — after all, it’s one of the most important jobs in the world. Of course, it’s stressful!

You’re Not the Only One Dealing with Mom Overwhelm

Maybe you can identify with some of these thoughts:

• What if that was my absolute best and I still failed?
• What if something happens to me; who is going to mother my children? 
• I am so lost — I mean truly lost — in this world. I feel like I am on repeat every day with no purpose in what I’m doing. 
• I want to have my own identity outside of just “Mom.”
• I can tell my marriage is suffering. I feel like I never have time for just us.
• Leaning on my friends and family is what gets me through the non-stop juggle of mom duties. I mean, how does everyone keep it together so well?
• Can I please get a full night of sleep without waking up over and over from the fear of failing my children?

SPOILER ALERT: These thoughts are normal. Mom overwhelm is common. Your feelings are valid. Nobody has it all together — even if it looks that way from the outside. We all get that rising panic feeling inside when we forget a school party or a soccer game or a homework assignment. We’ve all felt like “the worst mom ever” at some point.

It’s not about keeping it together all the time. It’s about letting go of the struggle and keeping YOU together!

My Mom Overwhelm Story

Let me tell you a story that might resonate with you.

When my daughter was 6 months old and my son was 2 years old, I had a sweet job. I worked 20 hours per week, and both my kids were in a full-time daycare. I worked out of my home office, pumped in private, went to the gym, then picked them up at around 3 PM. 

Every mother I spoke to was envious of me. And I knew it was a good setup! My partner was supportive and involved as a father. And yet… I wasn’t happy.

I felt like I didn’t have enough time with my kids. I felt lonely and isolated. I felt like my partner was constantly worried about me, and definitely did not understand what I was going through. I talked to my employer about possibly dropping down to 10 hours per week, but that wasn’t feasible. So, I started thinking about quitting my job. But it was so hard — the fear was overwhelming.

A friend gave me incredible advice; Do I want to be motivated by fear or by love?

So I sat down and wrote about it. What was motivating me out of love, and what out of fear? 

• I was afraid I wouldn’t get that time back with my kids.
• I was afraid I wouldn’t have another part-time job to return to.
• I was afraid I’d go crazy as a SAHM.
• I was afraid I’d be even more lonely.
• I was afraid I’d be a bad mom.
• I was afraid my kids would suffer.
• I was afraid my marriage would suffer. 

But… I loved spending time with my kids. I loved getting to see their milestones and I loved the flexibility to midweek outings. And I wasn’t loving my job.

I looked at the fear and I said; 

I see you. And it’s okay that you’re there. But we are gonna be okay. 

The Moral of the Story

You’re not alone. Your feelings are valid. No mom is perfect.

You ARE enough.

Let’s overcome the limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves as moms together. Mom overwhelm is not your fault — it stems from the role society plays at large. Society expects mothers to be martyrs.

And I’ll tell you what — that’s just not right. You can put yourself first. Your sole purpose is not to serve others. Your worth is measured by far more than that.

Discover your priorities first; not the priorities of others. Stay true to yourself and let go of the “shoulds”. You’re doing great, Momma.